i just can't sleep tonight!!

It's already 2am in the morning and I still can't sleep.  i don't know why.  it is very hard for me to close my eyes to sleep. pain that I feel is very cruel. I lost my mind.
I closed my eyes for not see the bad day and i pray that it does not happen, give me one day more to get ready to open my eyes.  i just can sleep tonight it will happen again.  I don't know what i'm supposed to do right now.  just see plus the emotion that drew apart me and I can not take it.  so many drama that you can see in this world.  ya ya i seem look like happy with my life outside  but it is all the pretend that I should do, hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu.  that is where my place.

my hair loss, and probably I will quickly old.  

what I can do at this time right now, i just can pray to Allah to help me out from this situation, because sometime i need make a chance. when i'm thinking back, I remember the time first we all  met. 

  
Bitter, Sweet, Sour, Hot, Bland

that all we would go through,  sometime it probably sweet or bitter but we take it as a challenge.  but i don't know apa yang berlaku sekarang.  Maybe I was the cause of it.  Now i just want to give a fuck to fucking.  (sorry a bit harsh).  it makes me hurt, if now I just hallucinations at you.  Please don't do that to me but kau ada hak untuk semua itu.  

thank you to Zainur, Wansha and Syud coz make me laugh and smiling agains that day sebelum kita start berpuasa.  Place that always be a place for food. hahaha Where else kandanglah and after that we continue into the night induction.  waw, so nice looking about the theme 'orang kampung' but we do not follow the theme was adopted.  Ands there i can see what i want to see. 

i think its all and done to hurt myself. Now i can sleep.  Through situations like this make me feel better I die than see and feel the pain that has no cure.

. . . 

waiting for you !

waiting, waiting,waiting is it the right answer for me?  is it not to long i'm waiting you. is it i'm stupid? sometimes i'm too lazy think about love, it's really annoying for me. old wounds still cured properly, and now I have to bear all the answers from you. 

i have to pretend because of you !!!

why all this I must face. why I should pretend to yourself why you do me like this. one answer from you is difficult to express to me. 7 years later this wait is just waste my time, do it right. only one answer from you as I want. how else you want to go from me, not quite far away? i know where are you and you know actually i am close to you.  is it not enough 7 years lah bukan sekejap.  and i don't want one day you keep quite like that without certainty.  sometime I feel like I want just give you 'penampar je' huh.  I admit this is not one of you, this is the way that I choose to love you. I always let my heart be broken even though I know it all will not respond to me.  Enough for me to see you happy with you own life. first memories are still fresh reminded, but let me keep it may be a time I would remove all the memories. . .

i have to pretend to myself.  pretend to cover all the pain I faced before, pretend to my heart, pretend what I talk bout love.  its really fake, fake, fake. . . selama mana aku boleh bertahan.  sometime went i see you i feel you like bitch, you are damn, evil, and threat i dont like you.  but why i feel all my feeling bout you is pretend.  is it i pretend bout my love, is it i afraid with love or i do not love him. . .

i'm getting scared, i'm scared of love

p/s although I am destined not to him but it will not change for me to see him happy, even with other women i just want you happy. mybe i heve to learn to forget him and live like everyone else. it may be more cheer from the hurts.  that not means i became fixated on you it just i say it pass. 

be happy LOL !!!

be happy lol. !! hiakkk hehehhe don't let you heart rain again hahha..... no that not my topic lalala. bahagianya tengok orang happy rasa cam nak je tumpangkan tapi masalahnya aku tak kenal dia hahaha.  (lol) but at least aku gembira dengan kegembiraan dia.  hope dia selalu bahagia.  janggal ke atau ia dah jadi normal bagi hidup kita.  nop i think its normal tapi kalau ada orang rasa jangal itu tak tahu.
 

prince

OMG i like him hehehe bangang je ayat kan.  no actually now he in my heart, he cool,funny but i don't know lah dia dengan orang lain macam mana kan so far okey lah... not bad.  hemm

i will

hemmdon't know !!

happy

bohong r kalau tak happy right of coz but bila tanya hati ni dia jawapannya (:o ?????????) ha macam mana nak jawap adoiii. pening n bengong. 

magic

wooo adakah ini magic ohww no its not a magic right hemmm macam2 (actually i'am talking with myself, it my hoby haha) i don't mind it. whateva lah.. kalau betullah ni satu magic dalam hati aku mesti benda ni pernah berlaku magic dala hati korang juga.  manusia mana yang tak pernah rasa cam ni kan. 

p/s do not rush to feel what I feel now this feeling maybe be eating my own feeling so be careful.  it will not happen again, but I don't know yet what will happen one day n my state.  i'am just say it and feel happy with what i'am feel just thankfull n appreciate what i'am feel now.  just be happy LOL

just a simple word !!

just a simple word !!! damn i always  forget what I want to say, I kept thinking to say, think and think, the thing will not run out.  I think the future is not necessarily going to happen according to what I planned, so i'am thinking again.  my mother says, do only what you like and that you feel you need to do but do not let what we do could cause us to eat themselves. (be careful)  think about what will happen to me for the future with a black background. it is clearly it will be barriers to my success.
where there are people who succeed without barriers.  like you of course you don't want to see the colour black behind you kan, so same like me.  so just simple word to all my friend even if we are 20 years of age but we still must hear the words mother and father. even if we sometimes miss some talk with them, but they understand. make is who we are as puppets while we are still alive. as long as we are a woman does not belong to a man named 'husband' we must listen to the words of our mother and father. because their words are the best for us. we are not could reply to all the sacrifices of our parents.

p/s thank you mom and dad for raising me properly. happy with what you have now, and I am willing to be a faithful listener, and when I was lonely when I'm happy.

just simple word

just 3 word

just say that

its is a simple but full of meaning

i love you

i miss you

mom and dad

i really love you

:)

it will be !!!

I will wait for you, no matter how long. my heart might be disappointed with this waiting, but it all comes from my heart I cant lie to myself. I cant to imagine what will happen in my future . it is possible that I will meet you, I cant even see you again. what can i do? mybe that time, I will lose direction and find where you are and it could also be that one day you was there, you lives with another woman maybe I'll be pleased with all this waiting. That time I probably already knew the answers but I'm not sure the answer is already there.  I can see you where? what are you doing,? your healthy? you with whom? your life? and  your feeling? i can't fell that you remember about me. but its okeylah i understand if you stay with your decision.  I am sorry the first time what happens to you, I should not interfere with the life of a man like you. now I know that you are happy and I will not disturb you again for ever and ever. maybe we will see later, maybe not now and maybe tomorrow and mybe we will not be met directly and you just stop in my heart for a while only. . . hmmm

should I forget him?  nobody can give the answer or the answer is already there hemm i am in a dilemma 

arrrr 

i hate you

How too i say that

Mybe we cant be together

Mybe I'm not for you

Im just not understand about you

How are you

Im really waiting for you

But until when

for another year

Mybe no 

I cant wait you

But you always 

In myheart

remember that

Im just want you know

what I think
than before, until now
that's what I think
no less no more
that's my word 

later so you understand what I feel

you may not be able to taste
actually I've lost you
You have wings, so you Fly
I will not be block you
let me walk
without you

because you in my heart

n mylife

:(

i dont think i can say now it will rain if i keep it.

silent n cry in bathroom

after that your promblem will go

and you can smile again

do what you like 

dance

sing

draw

walk

whatever lah 

n i promise crying is not a problem but it is expression of feelings

just cry, cry, cry if this can make you feel better

Dont punish your feelings

 Dont trick yourself 

coz you no need it

:)

redha @ pasrah

redha
adakah aku sekarang redha dengan apa yang sedang belaku sekarang.  apa yang aku dapat sekarang adakah aku boleh terima ? sanggup ke aku jalani semua nie mungkin aku akan jatuh suatu hai nanti kerana dia.

pasrah
adakah aku pasrah dengan apa yang belaku sekarang.  dia mungkin akan menjadi milik orang lain dia akan bahagia dengan pilihan dia.  sanggupkah aku pasrah dengan semua nie patut ke aku menyerah kalah sekarang juga.  hati nie mungkin akan hancur sekali lagi rasanya tak terkira berapa kali hati aku nie disakiti dihancurkan kerana kehadiran engkau disini biarpun engkau jauh dimata aku.

redha kerana aku menyerah
pasrah kerana aku hanya menanti apa yang bakal terjadi suatu hari nanti.
mungkin engkau bahagia dengan sidia dan disaat itu keadaan aku seperti mana tetapi aku bahagia kerana engkau bahagia.  tapi kalau kau dah ada sidia janganlah engkau sakitkan hati dia seperti mana engkau lakukan kepada aku.

kata-kata maaf
adakah aku akan memaafkan kau.  mungkin aku juga melakukan kesalahan begitu juga dengan kau sama seperti manusia lain yang tak lari dari melakukan kesalahan. aku hanya menunggu jawapan dari engkau . . .
menunggu sampai engkau memberi jawapan yang pasti kepada aku 

hahaha !!

hahaha hati aku sedih lagi entah kenapa sejak dua menjak nie hati nie asyik nak sedih je . . . apatah lagi bila aku teringat dekat dia.  ada sesuatu yang menganggu fikiran aku.  kadang2 aku tak dapat nak terangkan apa yang sebenarnya hati aku maksudkan hnay hati dalaman sahaja yang tahu.  malam nie aku terpikir adakah kerana da aku takut untuk meluahkan kata isi hati aku sendiri aku takut dengan bayang2 aku, takut dengan perasaan aku, takut akan cinta yang akan hadir dalam hidup aku.  tak lama lagi umur aku 20 tahun hemmm entahlah sampai bila mungkin dia bukan untuk aku dia hanya hadir sebagai tanda yang aku sudah mulamengenali apa itu cinta.  dia pernah bagi tahu pada aku yang adakah aku tahu apa maksud cinta kalau aku tak tahu lebih baik akulupakan peraaan itu.  bila aku pikirbalik mmg betul juga kata dia mungkin sampai sekarang aku tak kenal lagi apa iu cinta, apa itu yang dimaksudkan dengan mencintai dan dicintai. . . aku kehilangan dia tak bermakna aku akan kehilangan dia buat selamanya terbukti selama setahun aku tak jumpa dengan dia akhirnya aku berjumpa juga  dengan dia apa yang diharapkan selama ini rupanya  hanya bayangan aku.  ia lebih menyakitkan hati aku bila kini aku berjumpa dengan dia.

mungkin benar aku masih mentah

i always thingking about him tapi itu semua pada aku, menharapkan dia juga begitu.

sometime dreams is alright betul ke. maybe yes maybe no.  my friend said if you ever dreamed about him that meant he was missing you and thingking about you (is that true ???) pernah ke? 
  

i'm getting scared, i'm scared of love

engkau yang disana semua ini tiada kepaksaan dan kerelaan ianya datang dengan sendiri tanpa disedari.  jika semua itu boleh dikawal pasti itu semua tak akan berlaku semua yang telah menyakitkan hati  itu juga mungkin tak akan berlaku.  segala kesedihan selama ini mungkin juga tak akan berlaku. . . engkau jauh disisi ini apa yang engkau buat itu semua tak mungkin tahu.  apa yang diharapkan sekarang kepastian jawapan pada engkau adakah penantian ini harus aku hentikan.  mungkin jawapannya sudah lama ada didepan mata tapi tak nampak kerana cinta.  cinta itu sanggat membutakan hati tapi hati ini yang sebenarnya membutakan mata untuk melihat.

i'm waiting for u . . .

tak kira jauh engkau berada mungkin kehadiran mu dinantikan.  benci bila berkata-kata, tersentuh hati bila melihat mu adakah ini benar-benar cinta.  menangis untuk mu itu membuang masa seorang wanita,  hati ini sentiasa mengalirkan air mata untuk mu entah kenapa mungkin banyak benda yang sudah berlaku apatah lagi ia memberi kenangan manis, (terlalu banyak)  ini semua hanya penantian mungkin engkau disana tidak merasakan apa yang dirasai sekarang, cuba untuk tersenyum tapi hati sekali lagi terluka, luka yang terlalu pedih, terlalu sakit dan mungkin kah semua itu boleh dirawat (mungkin ya, mungkin tidak).

afraid of love . . . 
ketakutan ini benar-benar ada didalam hati ini, dikala malam, siang.  engkua semakin jauh mungkin ada salah yang telah dilakukan oleh ku tapi adakah ini balasannya kerana menyukai seorang lelaki yang mahu dicintai.  mungkin engkau tak tahu betapa tersiksanya bila harus menagung semua rasa ini mungkin lemparan senyum boleh membohong orang lain tapi senyuman itu tak boleh membohong hati ini.  mencuba untuk melupakan engkau tapi tetap sahaja engkau yang ada didalam hati ini kerana engkau yang mampu membuka pintu hati ini untuk mengenal rasa cinta. . . 

hanya mampu berserah

moga cahaya tiba nanti

mungkin aku tak kenal lagi apa itu cinta

i know actually

eveyday i'm thingking, thingking, thingking abaot love.  what can happent to me if i don have a BF.  before semesta 4 i always thingking why i'm here cos i want to study or couple... YESSS i'm be here cos i wnat to study dan kalu boleh aku tak mau pikir pasal nak bercinta nie.

my heart is broken !!
its really suck to thingking back, so bad for me cos of love.  i'm really like him really2 but dia lah pulak kan xxxxxx  for me its a past story now i have to stat a new story.  actually si dian nie tak dek lah bermakna sangagt biasa2 je mybe aku belum jumpa seseorang yang boelh suka pada aku betul2 (chehh ayat jiwang sehhh)

sometime i fell jealous whenever i hear my friend talk abaut their BF (kadang2 jelah) sampai bila yek
cinta tu tak semestinya dibalas dengan cinta mungkin benci akan dibalas dengan cinta (itu ikut hati kome lah nak pikir sal cinta ye) tak semua orang akan dapat apa yang mereka nak terpulang pada Allah yang nak bagi pada kita kann aku tak pikir pun kalau aku tak bercinta aku akan gantung diri aku nie frass menongeng.

pepatah nie sanggat kuat bagi aku sampai aku boleh bangkit dari tempat tido sehingga kau boleh nak menulis abaut love hehehe
i dont thing some couple ada buat salah tapi adalah jugak tu kalau dah gatal kan... tapi tak semua okey masih ada lagi yang jaga batas pergaulan diorang.  but tu lah terima kasih dan bersyukur aje ada Allah . . .

"I'm single. I feel jealous whenever I hear my friends talk about their boyfriends."

Don't be jealous of other people's sins, be thankful that you're not doing the same mistake. Do not boast about your wrongdoings, repent to Allah instead."

:))